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| ah, the first trip as official nashtrash to the frontier west and it came up golden. consider los angeles owned, along with cbs studios and their ssl c100. traveling as a 'contractually obligated image of Christ' was oft plagued with stopped sentences and rough business calls; a strange middle between honestly, strength and overwhelming ignorance. i wonder if Jesus ever thought that business contracts regarding amplifiers and voltage and cans vs. spots were on the original agenda for the salvation of his creation; certainly, it seems, that the plight of humanity and the destruction of his prized children were far more important.
i am currently wrestling with something i never expected to at this age - do i support what i do and who i work for? not only am i honoring what i believe to be most sacred and holy, but am i actually ruining that name in what i do? i came to a conclusion, and it was quite revolutionary to this floundered mind - i've been given the gift of management and although minimal, authority, in the situation. i was able to love while being strict and from most, command respect by consideration and mutual understanding. as odd as this sounds, it is as if God said, 'alright, training's over, you either do this my way or you're out.' a man with a topless spread of a woman sliding down to tight figure in jeans and cowboy boots on the posterior of his right leg said to me, 'boy, you have the ability to do something that many people don't understand, and you'll do alright for yourself,' right before he pulled another hard pack of marlboro 100s from under the shoulder of the left side of his shirt. gruff, uncanny and honest, this man was the encouragement no other human could have been at that moment; his eyes considering the pathway through the mountains and his feet holding steady to the speed of the road.
then there was this strange british fellow, large featured and powerful with a fit frame and a pub-tinged laugh. this certain man of the same type of profession, yet well-versed and confident, was a safety net that continually coached me through the trapeze of travel and personnel and equipment and disillusionment; his soul was content in his work and his blessings manifested themselves in a wife (who gave him citizenship, among other things) and two children soon to be on holiday. his wisdom, understanding, encouragement and aid were so simply put and so effortless and humbly managed that it was as if there was no effort made, as if handling my ignorance was second nature. all of that said, it was not in any demeaning sense, his care was genuine and his aid was for beneficial purposes and grounded in selflessness. this is where this feeble mind was reminded of the simplicity of duty in the caliber of work and silence of self.
although i'm still existing in an antiquated state of confusion in Christ and beauty and purpose, i do know one thing - we are not at war with people or money or external morality, we are at war with our own selfish nature and greedy hearts. battle cries are man against his own devils and demons, to which all are subject and all struggle.
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| "Christians in general are far too eager to urge special exceptions
when they hear these charges [of corruption in the church] preferred; far
too ready to make out a case for themselves while they admit their
application to others; far too ready to think that the cause of God is
interested in the suppression of facts. The prophets should have taught us a
different lesson. They should have led us to feel that it was a solemn duty,
not to conceal, but to bring forward all the evidence which proves, not that
one country is better than another, or one portion of the church better than
another, but that there is a principle of decay, a tendency to apostasy in
all, and that no comfort can come from merely balancing symptoms of good
here against symptoms of evil there, no comfort from considering whether we
are a little less contentious, a little less idolatrous than our
neighbors."
F. D. Maurice (1805-1872), Prophets and Kings
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| i'm a coward of a man, i always was
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| Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator
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